I've been feeling discouraged. It's strange because last Saturday I was so happy - like someone was praying for me. Saturday these feelings of overwhelming peace and joy came over me - I guess one would call that grace. And it truly was amazing. So you'd think Sunday would be the same, and yesterday, but it wasn't.
I had some good students who were inspired yesterday too. My little autistic girl comes for lessons twice a week now and she is playing incredibly well. Her mom says the harp is good for her and she loves coming to my house because it is so peaceful, and that I am "a good influence on her". Well, I feel good about that especially since when she first came for lessons I was ready to throw in the towel. That is a situation of true healing.
Then yesterday this other student came who is an adult. She was very dense in the beginning but she plays beautifully now. Yet she was so discouraged and said stuff like, she'd "never play a wedding" and "at least the harp is beautiful" that she bought, as though she'll never play it beautifully. She used to always be so dedicated too. It made me feel as though somehow it was something that I've done. I used to serve nice tea when she came, but then she started acting like I was trying to dip into her "paid" hour, which wasn't the cozy and friendly thing I was hoping for. Now she says she wants to come once a month. Hurts my feelings...
Anyway, now that my stepdad has moved in with us, the atmosphere around here has changed. I'm very sensitive to things like that. His health and wellbeing has improved dramatically since I took him out of the retirement home he had to stay in after a near fatal heart attack, from which he was resusitated. His memory has come back and he is returned to his (really neurotic) self. But he is the kindest and most generous man one could ever know. Yet due to his advancing age and a bit of senility, he is rather difficult to get along with. Consequently, my hubby and he get into big fights - not knock down, drag out fights - but loud disagreements. My husband can really bellow when he gets pushed too far (Taurus). I feel like I'm stick between a rock and a hard place. I try not to take sides, but sometimes I resent having to deal with this, after we were the ones to invite him into our home, and how hard I am trying to make everybody happy.
Then on top of all this, both Dad and I have doctor appointments to go to tomorrow. I know my doctor will be furious with me, for I haven't done what he's told me to. It's a long story, but I don't have a good reputation with Doctors, as I refuse to treat them like God and I do what I feel is best for me. This makes them angry. I guess I really just hate it when people are angry with me - I need to feel like I am always doing the right thing. Sometimes it is difficult doing the right thing without making someone angry. Or maybe I put myself in the path of angry people? I'll pray about this.
Also! It is nice and quiet since the woodpecker hasn't returned since Saturday. But now I wonder what happened to him. Early this morning I heard a fox screaming (that's really the sound they make when trying to attract a mate!) and that was nice to hear, because we used to hear so many foxes and now their natural habitat has been pushed farther and farther away, so they don't come around very much and I miss them. Then I started worrying that perhaps the fox got our woodpecker! And I was not thinking very nice thoughts about the woodpecker the other day.
I feel a lot better after putting all of this down, but I must go and shop for St. Patricks day dinner which I need to start cooking early tomorrow, and the buttermilk for putting in the Irish Sode Bread. That will be festive, and tomorrow is green day in my 365 photo project too. I need to find something green. Its still snowy around here - nothing green yet. But,"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen." I think I got that right?
I'm a spiritual person having a physical experience who enjoys being a witness to the everyday miracles of life. A metaphysical healer who's also a housewife and a harpist, and caregiver to an elderly relative. Mother of two wonderful grown children; wife to a wonderful man. I also like to write, read, tend a prolific herb garden, and dream of the day there is a cure for MS. I am open minded, and a revolutionary for old fashioned values. Essentially, I am an enigma...